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Sunday, 29 June 2014

Bollywood movies...seriously?

Will somebody ban Bollywood movies for me, please? I'm asking nicely, because the industry produces the most movies in the world, and provides employment. Sure, we produce 180 films every year, but not even half of them are worth watching. Actually, none of them are worth watching. They just rip us off. Be honest with me, name one actor, who's new, or old who can act?

If you've read my earlier blogs, I've steamrolled over SRK's latest movie. So he's out. Saif Ali Khan's recent movie made the viewers sick, and Aamir Khan may have made crores in Dhoom 3, but it had no story. Just like every other Bollywood film.

Ranvir Singh? No. He just has the abs. Not the face, or the talent. Ranbir Kapoor, he has the name, not the face, nor the body. I'll tell you what he has got. The Casanova image. Though I'm pretty sure he's bisexual. Arjun Kapoor, has neither the face, body, talent or brains. But he has a rich Daddy. I usually sleep in movie theatres, that's why I take someone along with me, so that they can wake me up. It's usually my parents, because my Dad's doesn't disturb me until we exit the movie theatre, and my mother likes the theatrical effect while watching any movie. While my mother watches, I sleep, and my Dad pretends to pay attention, since he can't comprehend Hindi.

The last movie we went together was - 'Zindagi Na Milege Dobaara'. What a snooze fest it was. It was a desperate attempt to recreate an American movie. It failed to capture romance, humour, friendship or anything for that matter. The only thing that I did like, was the tomatina festival. I hated the movie for the above stated reasons, my Dad hated it, because he didn't fully comprehend the dialogues. But my Mum loved it. Then, I realized why. It was in 2010 when my Mum last watched a movie in a theatre.

So, it's not the movie, by the darkness, the music, and the chance of watching actors up close, instead of passing by their hoarding. People are exited because they get a chance to watch a movie after a stressful day. So, if I acted in a movie, yes, I can act, even better than the heroines onscreen. I know you guys can do it too. The thing is, Bollywood heroines are pretty. Not talented, except for a few. But male actors, or so not. Besides, they don't have much to do anyway.

I don't find any of them hot. It's because I've seen better. No, I don't date regularly. I've just seen better. Indian men are not good looking. I say this as a 20 year old girl. I have hardly seen hot men in our country. If you've seen or know any, kindly send me their pictures, also to producers, and ad agencies, so that all women can be visually satisfied.

Bollywood movies have the same story- Boy meets girl, girl plays hard to get, boy gets girl. They dance and sing, the girl's half naked while dancing. The guy's faced with trouble, goes through pain, the girl cries, then fights ensue, and hero defeats the villain. Yada, yada, yada.

And now, even you're asleep.

 The songs they make, the lyrics used are so meaningless, it makes me want to snore. So, if you have insomnia, go watch a Bollywood movie!



For all those who regularly watch the news, I must say, you really are great. I get so bored watching Arnab Goswami yelling at everyone he invites on his show. I'm bored. Indian TV anchors are too loud and annoying. They ruin the whole purpose of their news with their tone and cranky demeanour.

Whether it's Bharkha Dutt or Prannoy Roy, they have made news boring. Yes, even entertainment news is so boring that it kills me. The news at 9 AM on NDTV usually talks about sports in great detail. I've found myself, sleeping at the early hour, because the news anchor, lacks clarity while talking. There have been times when I've wanted to yell at the news anchors and strangle them for talking rubbish.

One news anchor actually said, 'In the world cup in 2004-'. Yes, it was on the teleprompter, it was not her fault, but what was the proof reader doing? To make things worse, its hard for Journalism graduates to get a well paying job. Now, I know that many may argue with me. But if you know how badly the Indian education system is, then you will agree with me that my degree is worth squat in the job market. I'll end up being the newspaper girl. I'll end up being  raped early in the morning when I'm on the job, and it will be on the news, and Shobaa De will make fun of the government for giving women false security.

Here we go again! So, if you ask me about current affairs, all I'm going to say is, I don't give a fuck. I had to study three subjects, and I'll tell everyone my major is English literature. I learnt at least something in that area.

Watching regional news doesn't help either, because the case is the same in all channels. Bah!

Pardon me for my late updates. I was busy writing my lame exams.